So I haven't posted on here in awhile, but I feel like a new person. I feel like my "authentic self." I am easily able to think positively, have energy and a zest for life and find beauty in the little things. This has changed my relationships with friends, family and my boyfriend, ten fold. It is true that your outlook can be a ripple effect on others and create fruition and abundance in multiple areas of your life. Example: In the last year, I have made it a goal to become to possibly have a career in the holistic arts. Every time, I didn't do something that was within this realm of thinking, I would beat myself up and think I wasn't good enough to be this person I wanted to be. I thought it was only for "special people." When I didn't get hired for a yoga job or any job for that matter, I would say I wasn't good enough. I don't know when the big turnaround came, but listed below are some things I started to practice in my life.
Fact is, I stopped "trying" and when I stopped forcing, the magic began to happen. Things that I wanted to understand, but couldn't or struggled with were suddenly clear as day to me. I began being offered opportunities in areas of interest to me and I didn't worry whether it would work out or not. I knew it would.
Just "be" and the rest will follow. It's true the universe puts you in the right place when you are ready.
1) I let it go…..It was too stressful and draining to constantly think of why things were happening and how I got myself in unfavorable positions. What did it matter? All that mattered was what was happening now and what I could do now….It sounds simple….people say to "let it go." Elsa said it. And it's true. It doesn't happen over night, but taking tiny steps and "Letting something go" a day or a week will feel amazing. Let go with what you have always believed. That you aren't lucky. That you aren't special cause someone made fun of you.
2) Trust. Trust in yourself and the universe or whatever you believe in and know that everything will be ok. I used to repeat to myself "Everything will be ok." It may not happen the way you want it to but in some way shape or form everything will be ok. Again, it is not easy to trust overnight, but trusting in small things are a big step. But most of all, trust that all you need is within.
3) Tiny Steps…I keep saying it and it's true. Most, including myself, want to go from A to Z overnight. Start small. Make a list of what you can do now to be where you want to be and start with one thing. I stared with eating healthy. Then I added in more exercise. Then meditation. It starts with you.
4) Know that you deserve it. I remember my friend telling me to listen to Joel Osteen . I listened to one of his sermons and he keep saying that everyone has a gift wrapped up for them and it's up to you to grab it. This was a big "aha" for me as I never thought of life that way. The fact is everyone deserves the best life you can have
5) Let go of old beliefs. This goes with #1. Society has beliefs that we have bought into. We have been brought up with beliefs that we have bought into. None of it is real.
It is very hard to explain these concepts so I may have to go into more detail in another blog…just know it starts with you.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
The meaning of life?
Many people ask, what's the meaning of life? In fact, I wrote a play called Dr. Ava P. Sclockenstein: Therapist for Fantastical Creatures in which the elven sprite, Fink, asks this very question.
I don't think anyone will ever find the exact answer to this and perhaps everyone's meaning is different However, in the last week I have noticed that I have lost sight of what makes life joyful.
Twenty years from now, when I look back at my life am I going to say, "Hey, remember that awesome day at work?" or "Wow, remember that day, I made a ton of money?" or even "Remember that day I swept the floors or ran ten errands?"
Yes, I would love to make more money and yes, some of these activities are inescapable and allow us to have more fun by providing financial security, but what do people really value in life?
Relationships. Community. Love. A great convo. A funny joke. Laughing.
I have been so caught up in trying to "get ahead," plan for the future and make money that I really all I have been doing is worrying and planning. And in this planning, I have lost sight of what makes life fun.
I tried to be more conscious of this behavior and really took the rest of the week not to worry about what was on the agenda and just enjoy some time with great people. This week I had some wonderful eye-opening conversations with my boyfriend while taking a stroll down the boardwalk. And honestly, it was better than anything money could buy. I went to a free brunch and bodywork event at the local nutrition/chiropractic office. Even though I had a bit too many mimosas, I found myself really being present, letting loose and just enjoying the moment.
Yes, we should have goals and yes I still would like to make some money, but I think I'm doing it backwards. I don't think it makes sense to miss out on life now, just for the future. I think that whatever you are handed, make the most of it now. Creating abundance is your life now and relationships now will most likely lead to a fruitful life later.
And it doesn't really cost a thing.
I don't think anyone will ever find the exact answer to this and perhaps everyone's meaning is different However, in the last week I have noticed that I have lost sight of what makes life joyful.
Twenty years from now, when I look back at my life am I going to say, "Hey, remember that awesome day at work?" or "Wow, remember that day, I made a ton of money?" or even "Remember that day I swept the floors or ran ten errands?"
Yes, I would love to make more money and yes, some of these activities are inescapable and allow us to have more fun by providing financial security, but what do people really value in life?
Relationships. Community. Love. A great convo. A funny joke. Laughing.
I have been so caught up in trying to "get ahead," plan for the future and make money that I really all I have been doing is worrying and planning. And in this planning, I have lost sight of what makes life fun.
I tried to be more conscious of this behavior and really took the rest of the week not to worry about what was on the agenda and just enjoy some time with great people. This week I had some wonderful eye-opening conversations with my boyfriend while taking a stroll down the boardwalk. And honestly, it was better than anything money could buy. I went to a free brunch and bodywork event at the local nutrition/chiropractic office. Even though I had a bit too many mimosas, I found myself really being present, letting loose and just enjoying the moment.
Yes, we should have goals and yes I still would like to make some money, but I think I'm doing it backwards. I don't think it makes sense to miss out on life now, just for the future. I think that whatever you are handed, make the most of it now. Creating abundance is your life now and relationships now will most likely lead to a fruitful life later.
And it doesn't really cost a thing.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Little Things Beneath the Depths
Today I took a SUP yoga class at the Endless SUP Company in Belmar NJ. SUP stands for standup paddle board and if anything is a study in yin and yang it's this. When you do yoga on a board gliding over the water, you have to take each step slow and appreciate each movement or you could fall. But at the same time, if you are too careful and hesitant, you may miss out on the fun because you are too afraid to fall. It's a complete balance.
Other than learning about balance, I noticed something while partaking in the SUP yoga class today. As I laid on my belly on the board, I looked into the water….there I saw two different crabs and what looked like a little family of jellyfish. The crab blended in with the rocks and the jelly fish were almost translucent. I stared at them for awhile, watching the jellyfish puff in and out and move effortlessly throughout the water. They almost sparkled a glitter green.
As I took the class, I kept looking over to stare at them, never noticing till today how they could almost switch between an outline of purple or green. I was stuck on this board in the middle of Shark River, nowhere to go and nowhere to be. And I was grateful that just for a few moments, I could witness something I would have never noticed before.
When people think of jellyfish, they think of "stinging" and "pain" or even "gross." In this moment, I thought of them as beautiful and even cute. It is hard for me to deal with contrast in my life and to sometimes see the beauty in things. But here, I saw beauty in something that sometimes deemed ugly. And if I took one step too quick, I would have missed it. :)
Other than learning about balance, I noticed something while partaking in the SUP yoga class today. As I laid on my belly on the board, I looked into the water….there I saw two different crabs and what looked like a little family of jellyfish. The crab blended in with the rocks and the jelly fish were almost translucent. I stared at them for awhile, watching the jellyfish puff in and out and move effortlessly throughout the water. They almost sparkled a glitter green.
As I took the class, I kept looking over to stare at them, never noticing till today how they could almost switch between an outline of purple or green. I was stuck on this board in the middle of Shark River, nowhere to go and nowhere to be. And I was grateful that just for a few moments, I could witness something I would have never noticed before.
When people think of jellyfish, they think of "stinging" and "pain" or even "gross." In this moment, I thought of them as beautiful and even cute. It is hard for me to deal with contrast in my life and to sometimes see the beauty in things. But here, I saw beauty in something that sometimes deemed ugly. And if I took one step too quick, I would have missed it. :)
Friday, April 18, 2014
New Post!
A very wise creature named Yoda (I almost typed yoga) once said, "Do or do not. There is no try." I never understand the meaning of this phrase until recently.
I started this blog to document my journey, hopefully get a good laugh and maybe inspire some. You see the reason I haven't posted in awhile is because I finally understand what I was "doing" wrong. In fact, I wasn't "doing" much at all, but "trying" almost too hard. Sometimes, when you let the outcome go, things happen. Now I know this goes against many commonly held principles in our society. We are told to do, do, do, until we can't do anything anymore.
A few months ago, I adopted a new diet of whole foods, therefore, my mind has been much clearer. It's true that I am less prone to anger. more "In the moment" and about to let things go much easier. It's funny when I stopped concentrating on the outcome and starting to enjoy the process of cooking healthy food or learning a new yoga pose or enjoyed the taste of a simple pepper, life became enjoyable and almost easy. As a person prone to anxiety, I often worry about the future as most do. I found that, as cliched as it sounds, just sitting there listening to my breath was a wonderful moment.
The other day, I was sitting on a train to the city. For some reason, I was thinking about each and every friend or ex who had ever travelled on this train with me. And I smiled. I have been searching for meaning, but the meaning was smacking me in the face all along. However, not every outcome has to be this majestic fanfare. Yes, I was no longer in any type of relationships with these people, but I remembered all the goods times we had and how each person, each interaction, each moment had shaped me. And I thanked them. I sat there and was grateful for those good and bad in my life.
This is just a small example of what I have experienced over the last few months. It is almost hard to put into words what I have experienced. But as cliched as it sounds, I have found pleasure in every day life. I am not waiting to have more money, more time, more skills, more anything. I am doing it right now.
I started this blog to document my journey, hopefully get a good laugh and maybe inspire some. You see the reason I haven't posted in awhile is because I finally understand what I was "doing" wrong. In fact, I wasn't "doing" much at all, but "trying" almost too hard. Sometimes, when you let the outcome go, things happen. Now I know this goes against many commonly held principles in our society. We are told to do, do, do, until we can't do anything anymore.
A few months ago, I adopted a new diet of whole foods, therefore, my mind has been much clearer. It's true that I am less prone to anger. more "In the moment" and about to let things go much easier. It's funny when I stopped concentrating on the outcome and starting to enjoy the process of cooking healthy food or learning a new yoga pose or enjoyed the taste of a simple pepper, life became enjoyable and almost easy. As a person prone to anxiety, I often worry about the future as most do. I found that, as cliched as it sounds, just sitting there listening to my breath was a wonderful moment.
The other day, I was sitting on a train to the city. For some reason, I was thinking about each and every friend or ex who had ever travelled on this train with me. And I smiled. I have been searching for meaning, but the meaning was smacking me in the face all along. However, not every outcome has to be this majestic fanfare. Yes, I was no longer in any type of relationships with these people, but I remembered all the goods times we had and how each person, each interaction, each moment had shaped me. And I thanked them. I sat there and was grateful for those good and bad in my life.
This is just a small example of what I have experienced over the last few months. It is almost hard to put into words what I have experienced. But as cliched as it sounds, I have found pleasure in every day life. I am not waiting to have more money, more time, more skills, more anything. I am doing it right now.
"How I Met Your Mother" Is About The Journey, Not the Destination
Note: This was written before the ending of the show.
One of the sayings I always hear and try to follow is, "It's the journey, not the destination."This is hard to follow as we live in an instant gratification loving society and many, including myself, want to speed to the destination and don't have or want to have the patience to look at the scenery.
I recently read an article about the TV show "How I Met Your Mother" and was enticed to watch the show from its beginning. I started Season 1 a few days ago and am almost done with Season 2. Not only is this show hilarious, but it clearly demonstrates the meaning and importance of the journey. From the first episode we know that Ted (Josh Radnor) will meet his future wife as each episode is framed around the voice of older Ted (Bob Saget) telling stories to his teenage children about him and his friends' love escapades when he was in his late 20s/early 30s.
We watch Ted love and lose, but we all know in the end he does get what he wants. We just don't know when or how. At one point the kids complain that the father is taking too long to tell the story. Older Ted protests, saying that if it wasn't for this or that part of the story, he would have never met their mother meaning. Ted, as well as the other characters, though with humor, definitely go through their ups and downs, however, how would he have known who the "one" is, if he hadn't loved and lost other loves? If anything I have learned, we don't know what we want until we know what we don't want.
In another episode, Robin (Cobie Smulders) and Ted miss their flight where Ted has an interview for a job in Chicago. They try many other attempts to get on other flights. In the end, Ted ends up missing the interview and losing his chance at the job. Ted plays through the events of the day to see who to "blame" for missing the plane, but later says if he would have taken the job he would have to move to Chicago. He later says, "I was meant to be in New York. Otherwise, I would have never met your mother." At the time, Ted took this a loss in life. Little did he know, years later, this one misfortune would lead to something great.
In a strange way, this show has taught me to be patient. Everything with happen when its time, but for now, enjoy the journey. Yes, there will be bumps along the road, but humor too. :)
One of the sayings I always hear and try to follow is, "It's the journey, not the destination."This is hard to follow as we live in an instant gratification loving society and many, including myself, want to speed to the destination and don't have or want to have the patience to look at the scenery.
I recently read an article about the TV show "How I Met Your Mother" and was enticed to watch the show from its beginning. I started Season 1 a few days ago and am almost done with Season 2. Not only is this show hilarious, but it clearly demonstrates the meaning and importance of the journey. From the first episode we know that Ted (Josh Radnor) will meet his future wife as each episode is framed around the voice of older Ted (Bob Saget) telling stories to his teenage children about him and his friends' love escapades when he was in his late 20s/early 30s.
We watch Ted love and lose, but we all know in the end he does get what he wants. We just don't know when or how. At one point the kids complain that the father is taking too long to tell the story. Older Ted protests, saying that if it wasn't for this or that part of the story, he would have never met their mother meaning. Ted, as well as the other characters, though with humor, definitely go through their ups and downs, however, how would he have known who the "one" is, if he hadn't loved and lost other loves? If anything I have learned, we don't know what we want until we know what we don't want.
In another episode, Robin (Cobie Smulders) and Ted miss their flight where Ted has an interview for a job in Chicago. They try many other attempts to get on other flights. In the end, Ted ends up missing the interview and losing his chance at the job. Ted plays through the events of the day to see who to "blame" for missing the plane, but later says if he would have taken the job he would have to move to Chicago. He later says, "I was meant to be in New York. Otherwise, I would have never met your mother." At the time, Ted took this a loss in life. Little did he know, years later, this one misfortune would lead to something great.
In a strange way, this show has taught me to be patient. Everything with happen when its time, but for now, enjoy the journey. Yes, there will be bumps along the road, but humor too. :)
Sunday, November 3, 2013
What's the worst they can say? Do it Anyway!
I am sorry for not posting on here in awhile. I have been going through a rough patch, but have taken a large step that will definitely help me on this journey.
I recently submitted an essay I wrote to several holistic/spiritual online e-zines. So far two have complimented yet rejected it, but I'm going to keep sending it. I believe in it and I figure if I believe strongly in it, someday, somebody will.
In addition, I just out sent a short story that has been milling around in my computer files for years. I loved this story when I wrote it, but after shopping it around to too many writing groups and having a bomb shelter's worth of varying opinions on it, I gave up on it. I just couldn't look at the story objectively without someone else's voice writing it.
I have since gone rouge and dropped out of those groups and one day ventured to show a trusted friend the story. She loved it and other than a few style issues did not think I had to rework the entire premise to please someone else. She encouraged me to send this and other stories currently on hibernation to editors. What's the worst they could say? No?
So since then, I have been sending my stories out and several of them have been published. I have gained more confidence and realized that rejection is just one bump.
I brought this point up to the positive thinking class I take on Saturdays...the instructor added to the point saying that not everything is going to resonate with everyone. There are 7 billion people in the world. What if the story only resonates with 1 million?
I'll take the 1 million.
What's the worst they can say? No? :)
I recently submitted an essay I wrote to several holistic/spiritual online e-zines. So far two have complimented yet rejected it, but I'm going to keep sending it. I believe in it and I figure if I believe strongly in it, someday, somebody will.
In addition, I just out sent a short story that has been milling around in my computer files for years. I loved this story when I wrote it, but after shopping it around to too many writing groups and having a bomb shelter's worth of varying opinions on it, I gave up on it. I just couldn't look at the story objectively without someone else's voice writing it.
I have since gone rouge and dropped out of those groups and one day ventured to show a trusted friend the story. She loved it and other than a few style issues did not think I had to rework the entire premise to please someone else. She encouraged me to send this and other stories currently on hibernation to editors. What's the worst they could say? No?
So since then, I have been sending my stories out and several of them have been published. I have gained more confidence and realized that rejection is just one bump.
I brought this point up to the positive thinking class I take on Saturdays...the instructor added to the point saying that not everything is going to resonate with everyone. There are 7 billion people in the world. What if the story only resonates with 1 million?
I'll take the 1 million.
What's the worst they can say? No? :)
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
How Tommy Wiseau and the Worst Movie of All Time Taught me to Keep Writing
I tend to find inspiration in weird places.
I am reading the book, "The Disaster Artist" by Greg Sestero about the filming of The Room, considered to be"The Citizen Kane of Bad Movies". The Room is written, directed and produced by Tommy Wiseau a quirky oddball of mysterious origin. In addition to being a behind the scenes look at The Room, it is also a memoir about the struggles of trying to make it in Hollywood: having the right image, knowing the right people and having the right amount of talent.
But what if someone wanted to make a movie so bad, be an actor so much that he's willing to throw every rule out of the proverbial window and pave his own path.
This is exactly what Tommy Wiseau does.
If anyone believes in the "law of affirmation," it's Tommy Wiseau....He constantly says throughout Greg's book that his movie will be "The greatest movie ever." While everyone laughs at this proclamation, thinking The Room will fade into obscurity , Tommy's dream, while not as he expected, comes true. Instead of getting upset over The Room's new reign as the King of Crappy Films, Tommy embraces it and has fun with it. His film is now seen at special screenings around the country with a Rocky Horror like cult following. In fact, he made another film, The House that Drips Blood on Alex, which is a must see for many reasons too hard to express in words.
As you can see from my previous blog posts, I beat myself up over everything. When I write, I sit and think, Will people like it? Will they remember this? Maybe I should be like Tommy and not worry. Not care at all. Just write and believe that it's good.
And then it will be good, but maybe not in the way I expected. Even though The Room reeks of the stink bomb that it is, it has brought much laughter, whether intended or not to many people.
If anything, Tommy doesn't apologize for being weird. He embraces it and says, "Take it or leave it, this is me." Though Tommy's behavior at times is rude, belligerent, stubborn and often disturbing, he doesn't care what anyone thinks or says. This is a guy in the moment.
I have started to write more and am feeling uninhibited about what to write about. I usually spend hours or days wondering, Is this idea publishable? Can this make money? But now, the world seems like an open box that I can fill with whatever I want.
They key is be yourself and just write and who knows maybe something unexpected will happen. And one person's garbage is always another person's treasure.
Just keep creating.
I am reading the book, "The Disaster Artist" by Greg Sestero about the filming of The Room, considered to be"The Citizen Kane of Bad Movies". The Room is written, directed and produced by Tommy Wiseau a quirky oddball of mysterious origin. In addition to being a behind the scenes look at The Room, it is also a memoir about the struggles of trying to make it in Hollywood: having the right image, knowing the right people and having the right amount of talent.
But what if someone wanted to make a movie so bad, be an actor so much that he's willing to throw every rule out of the proverbial window and pave his own path.
This is exactly what Tommy Wiseau does.
If anyone believes in the "law of affirmation," it's Tommy Wiseau....He constantly says throughout Greg's book that his movie will be "The greatest movie ever." While everyone laughs at this proclamation, thinking The Room will fade into obscurity , Tommy's dream, while not as he expected, comes true. Instead of getting upset over The Room's new reign as the King of Crappy Films, Tommy embraces it and has fun with it. His film is now seen at special screenings around the country with a Rocky Horror like cult following. In fact, he made another film, The House that Drips Blood on Alex, which is a must see for many reasons too hard to express in words.
As you can see from my previous blog posts, I beat myself up over everything. When I write, I sit and think, Will people like it? Will they remember this? Maybe I should be like Tommy and not worry. Not care at all. Just write and believe that it's good.
And then it will be good, but maybe not in the way I expected. Even though The Room reeks of the stink bomb that it is, it has brought much laughter, whether intended or not to many people.
If anything, Tommy doesn't apologize for being weird. He embraces it and says, "Take it or leave it, this is me." Though Tommy's behavior at times is rude, belligerent, stubborn and often disturbing, he doesn't care what anyone thinks or says. This is a guy in the moment.
I have started to write more and am feeling uninhibited about what to write about. I usually spend hours or days wondering, Is this idea publishable? Can this make money? But now, the world seems like an open box that I can fill with whatever I want.
They key is be yourself and just write and who knows maybe something unexpected will happen. And one person's garbage is always another person's treasure.
Just keep creating.
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