My boyfriend and I were chatting in the car when he suddenly remarked that I complain a lot. You see my bf is a ray of happy zen sunshine and sometimes I wonder his secret. He then added, "Maybe you like to complain because it takes the focus off of you and your mistakes. Maybe I'm happy all the time cause I never complain." Whether his theory is true or not, he doesn't complain about anything and is very happy. Apparently, the universe is trying to send me some message as cutesy little quotes keep popping up on my Facebook. One said, "Stop complaining for a week and see how life changes." Ok, ok, I get it, universe calling in the form of some Facebook word graphic with puffy ethereal clouds in the background.
So I'm going to listen and try to not complain for a week. Let's see how this goes. Who wants to join me?
Friday, August 30, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Learning to Be Present When Everyone is Watching
A few years ago I participated in the Summer Solstice event in Times Square. This is a yoga event held in New York every year where you basically do yoga in the middle of Times Square. The point is, can you remain present amidst the chaos? Below is a photo of my friend, Paula, participating in the event.
After taking a wonderful, inspiring workshop with Ellen Mosko and Katie Radiola at Soulful Awakenings in Lake Como, I decided to start my own yoga practice. This has always been a struggle for me. I have an epic case of monkey mind (though not so much lately so I must be getting "zennier") and think too much about what pose to do next and want to rush through everything. Luckily, I went to a workshop about cultivating your own practice. Even though I am a certified yoga teacher, this still eludes me. The instructors broke down everything from a short 15 min practice to a lengthy 60 min practice. Though some of the poses were a bit beginner for me, it was a good starting point.
I went to the beach with their handouts in tow so that if monkey mind came up all I had to do was look at the next sequence and keep going.
Honestly, I never thought I'd like doing my own practice. But I loved it. I decided to practice on the beach and even though others were there, I kind of forgot they were there. At one point a man was pointing at me. I wasn't sure what he was saying, but I didn't care, I kept going. And sometimes that's what we have to do. Take a glance at the horizon, but stay present and keep going. I have some potential opportunities in my life right now that I am hesitant or afraid to begin because of fear of failure, what others will say or if I will have the money. Sometimes, you just have to "go with the flow" and see where it takes you.
In the past, I would have stopped mid practice constantly aware of the bugs biting me on the beach or the onlookers making nasty remarks, but this time I realized that this practice is about my journey. There are always going to be challenges to staying present, but if you stick your two feet in the sand and close your eyes, you will realize there is no struggle.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Realizing what yoga is really about...
In 2011, I became a certified yoga teacher. While I completely am happy I made this decision, I don't think I understood what yoga was with my heart and soul. I think I had a mental understanding of it, how the poses worked, how to sequence poses etc.but did not understand where it came from and how strong the mind, body, spirit connection was.
I liked when yoga teachers would lecture about letting go, acceptance, opening your heart etc. but I didn't completely understand what the poses had to do with these words. In addition, as a yoga teacher I wasn't confident at all. I thought what would make me a good yoga teacher was trying to emulate local "rockstar" yoga teachers who would give you a good workout but you would leave feeling physically good, but soul empty. Because of this thinking, I abandoned who I was as a yoga instructor and seriously doubted my worth in the yoga community. I thought if I wasn't a stick thin person who could wrap my legs around my head, I had no worth.
I knew it wasn't what yoga was truly about, but felt hopeless in the western world of yoga where appearance, weight, what you can do and what clothes you were seem to be put first even if one says different. My mom even told me I couldn't be a yoga teacher cause I wasn't stick thin.
But guess what, I will be a yoga teacher. I am one. I just haven't found my audience yet. And yes, I still have learning to do, some brushing up to do, but I have found my own unique style which I think can help lots of people.
After studying with Donna Sica-Chiarelli at Soulful Awakenings in Belmar, I became more aware and started reading literature like Paul Pitchford's Holistic Nutrition etc. I started eating organic food and even though it took away, I feel more energized and happier (In addition, my depression has become almost non existant). Since studying these philosophies about the law of attraction and how the mind, body and spirit are connected, I am able to instantly pinpoint where stress and pain is coming from and notice tightness when doing yoga. I understand which poses connect specifically to my life and which can benefit me. I am totally able to feel my heart open when I do a backbead instead of going through the motions. I don't just feel I am doing something to burn calories or get flexible. However, when doing yoga stretches I do see how my mind is stretching and opening along with my body.
Since not working my regular school year job, I have noticed how stress directly affects my body and soul and how yoga is also about self-care and honoring your body. Again, I have heard these terms for about the last eight years, but only now do I completely understand what they mean.
Yoga is not about having a perfect body or perfect pose. Each class is a journey in awareness and a learning experience. And this is what I want to bring to my students. I want to show them how movement, mantra, mudras and meditation can have an amazing affect on the body as can the opposite. I want to show people the true meaning of yoga:)
I liked when yoga teachers would lecture about letting go, acceptance, opening your heart etc. but I didn't completely understand what the poses had to do with these words. In addition, as a yoga teacher I wasn't confident at all. I thought what would make me a good yoga teacher was trying to emulate local "rockstar" yoga teachers who would give you a good workout but you would leave feeling physically good, but soul empty. Because of this thinking, I abandoned who I was as a yoga instructor and seriously doubted my worth in the yoga community. I thought if I wasn't a stick thin person who could wrap my legs around my head, I had no worth.
I knew it wasn't what yoga was truly about, but felt hopeless in the western world of yoga where appearance, weight, what you can do and what clothes you were seem to be put first even if one says different. My mom even told me I couldn't be a yoga teacher cause I wasn't stick thin.
But guess what, I will be a yoga teacher. I am one. I just haven't found my audience yet. And yes, I still have learning to do, some brushing up to do, but I have found my own unique style which I think can help lots of people.
After studying with Donna Sica-Chiarelli at Soulful Awakenings in Belmar, I became more aware and started reading literature like Paul Pitchford's Holistic Nutrition etc. I started eating organic food and even though it took away, I feel more energized and happier (In addition, my depression has become almost non existant). Since studying these philosophies about the law of attraction and how the mind, body and spirit are connected, I am able to instantly pinpoint where stress and pain is coming from and notice tightness when doing yoga. I understand which poses connect specifically to my life and which can benefit me. I am totally able to feel my heart open when I do a backbead instead of going through the motions. I don't just feel I am doing something to burn calories or get flexible. However, when doing yoga stretches I do see how my mind is stretching and opening along with my body.
Since not working my regular school year job, I have noticed how stress directly affects my body and soul and how yoga is also about self-care and honoring your body. Again, I have heard these terms for about the last eight years, but only now do I completely understand what they mean.
Yoga is not about having a perfect body or perfect pose. Each class is a journey in awareness and a learning experience. And this is what I want to bring to my students. I want to show them how movement, mantra, mudras and meditation can have an amazing affect on the body as can the opposite. I want to show people the true meaning of yoga:)
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Taking Crappy Situations and Making Them Fun!
Okay so my wonderful boyfriend (this is not sarcastic at all, he really is wonderful) is in the National Guard. Because of this he has two long trainings coming up, one in Virginia where he will be away for three weeks. Now, I've always been one who get separation anxiety, but there is nothing I can do about this situation.
So, instead, I'm going to make my time away from him as fun as possible and do things I may not have as much time to do if he was here. He left two days ago and I have already made sure I got to yoga on time, started writing a short play for a Christmas show in December, hung out with an awesome friend and saw a black box production of Rent. Today I went to yoga again, got bathing suit tops and bottoms for 9.99 and 5.99 (which is beyond amazing considering I can never get a bathing suit for less than $80 because of my large boobs), cleaned out my hoarder looking car and tonight will be doing some R and R and more zen exploration tonight at Soulful Awakenings during a Restorative Yoga/ Alchemy bowls session. Oh and I played with some cute kitties when I volunteered with a cat rescue. I didn't get to the Qigong class, but it's on my agenda for next week. During my love hiatus. I also plan on taking a yoga workshop, have lunch with a friend I haven't seen in awhile, go to the Ripper museum in the city, see a friend's play, hopefully finish a one act play, make some pickles, make some homemade cat treats and bubble tea, take some business classes, revise some old short stories, finish some books, take a sauce making cooking class and walk all the way down the boardwalk and see how far it goes. And that's just a bit of my goals. I plan to learn, grow and have fun in his absence.
You see I believe in the THREE BIG S's when a situation is super shitty, why make it super shittier?
And I feel like in the last few days, I have reconnected with my authentic self....a really random, creative, explorer....Not that I wasn't that before....but....
Since my journey to zen, I have become more aware of patterns. Patterns that no longer serve me...
I realized that when I am in a relationship, I tend to take on that person's problems as well as mine and try to control and fix things I cannot or do not need controlling. I am unable to stay in the present for fear that my happiness (and I am VERY happy with my man) will be taken away.
Now that have realized this , I know that when my boyfriend returns, I will be a better gf to him and in a way appreciate him more and feel our amazing connection even more....
So sometimes shitty things have to happen for us to grow.....
A lotus flower does grow out of a mucky swamp, doesn't it?
So, instead, I'm going to make my time away from him as fun as possible and do things I may not have as much time to do if he was here. He left two days ago and I have already made sure I got to yoga on time, started writing a short play for a Christmas show in December, hung out with an awesome friend and saw a black box production of Rent. Today I went to yoga again, got bathing suit tops and bottoms for 9.99 and 5.99 (which is beyond amazing considering I can never get a bathing suit for less than $80 because of my large boobs), cleaned out my hoarder looking car and tonight will be doing some R and R and more zen exploration tonight at Soulful Awakenings during a Restorative Yoga/ Alchemy bowls session. Oh and I played with some cute kitties when I volunteered with a cat rescue. I didn't get to the Qigong class, but it's on my agenda for next week. During my love hiatus. I also plan on taking a yoga workshop, have lunch with a friend I haven't seen in awhile, go to the Ripper museum in the city, see a friend's play, hopefully finish a one act play, make some pickles, make some homemade cat treats and bubble tea, take some business classes, revise some old short stories, finish some books, take a sauce making cooking class and walk all the way down the boardwalk and see how far it goes. And that's just a bit of my goals. I plan to learn, grow and have fun in his absence.
You see I believe in the THREE BIG S's when a situation is super shitty, why make it super shittier?
And I feel like in the last few days, I have reconnected with my authentic self....a really random, creative, explorer....Not that I wasn't that before....but....
Since my journey to zen, I have become more aware of patterns. Patterns that no longer serve me...
I realized that when I am in a relationship, I tend to take on that person's problems as well as mine and try to control and fix things I cannot or do not need controlling. I am unable to stay in the present for fear that my happiness (and I am VERY happy with my man) will be taken away.
Now that have realized this , I know that when my boyfriend returns, I will be a better gf to him and in a way appreciate him more and feel our amazing connection even more....
So sometimes shitty things have to happen for us to grow.....
A lotus flower does grow out of a mucky swamp, doesn't it?
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