In 2011, I became a certified yoga teacher. While I completely am happy I made this decision, I don't think I understood what yoga was with my heart and soul. I think I had a mental understanding of it, how the poses worked, how to sequence poses etc.but did not understand where it came from and how strong the mind, body, spirit connection was.
I liked when yoga teachers would lecture about letting go, acceptance, opening your heart etc. but I didn't completely understand what the poses had to do with these words. In addition, as a yoga teacher I wasn't confident at all. I thought what would make me a good yoga teacher was trying to emulate local "rockstar" yoga teachers who would give you a good workout but you would leave feeling physically good, but soul empty. Because of this thinking, I abandoned who I was as a yoga instructor and seriously doubted my worth in the yoga community. I thought if I wasn't a stick thin person who could wrap my legs around my head, I had no worth.
I knew it wasn't what yoga was truly about, but felt hopeless in the western world of yoga where appearance, weight, what you can do and what clothes you were seem to be put first even if one says different. My mom even told me I couldn't be a yoga teacher cause I wasn't stick thin.
But guess what, I will be a yoga teacher. I am one. I just haven't found my audience yet. And yes, I still have learning to do, some brushing up to do, but I have found my own unique style which I think can help lots of people.
After studying with Donna Sica-Chiarelli at Soulful Awakenings in Belmar, I became more aware and started reading literature like Paul Pitchford's Holistic Nutrition etc. I started eating organic food and even though it took away, I feel more energized and happier (In addition, my depression has become almost non existant). Since studying these philosophies about the law of attraction and how the mind, body and spirit are connected, I am able to instantly pinpoint where stress and pain is coming from and notice tightness when doing yoga. I understand which poses connect specifically to my life and which can benefit me. I am totally able to feel my heart open when I do a backbead instead of going through the motions. I don't just feel I am doing something to burn calories or get flexible. However, when doing yoga stretches I do see how my mind is stretching and opening along with my body.
Since not working my regular school year job, I have noticed how stress directly affects my body and soul and how yoga is also about self-care and honoring your body. Again, I have heard these terms for about the last eight years, but only now do I completely understand what they mean.
Yoga is not about having a perfect body or perfect pose. Each class is a journey in awareness and a learning experience. And this is what I want to bring to my students. I want to show them how movement, mantra, mudras and meditation can have an amazing affect on the body as can the opposite. I want to show people the true meaning of yoga:)
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